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January 12th, 2005

07:07 pm - Tacos!
Went to a pilates class at lunch today, which was pretty cool.
and just anticipating getting a new place and dealing with all of that.
I still haven't told Kristi what's up yet, but I think she'll take it ok.
This lil' chapter of my life here in O.B. is quick again. This time I
made it over a year. I lived in O.B back in 1998, the last time we
had an El Nino winter. That was my first dream of a Tsunami wave.
Back then I lived on Santa Cruz 1 block from the stairway down to the cliffs.
In my dream this giant wave rose up out of the ocean like the big hand of
Psoeidon that you see in greek mythology. We were swimming in the house wondering
if we'd all get electrocuted or not. we were treading water close to the roof when it
subsided and we made out way out. About two months ago I had another dream
about a Tsunami, I had it after watching the CSI Miami episode where a Tsunami
hit Miami, so I attributed it to that. In this dream I was standing on a Private Beach,
with a two story Craftsman in the background that I was staying at. It belonged to
a friend. I was standing there on the beach when the water went out so far that I got spooked
and ran to the second story of the house to see what was coming. We watched the
waves hit from the second floor balcony. The whole house was filled with sand and debri and
sea weed after the wave subsided. Then, in real life this Tsunami hits Indonesia.
I don't know what the deal is with Tsunamis' but the ocean is a powerful force.
That quake was so big the earth's speeding around it axis faster causing the earth to wobble,
which I believe will eventually cause the axis to adjust, causing a slight shifting of the poles.
This has the serious potential to change weather patterns. Which is all really crazy shit, but really
nothing in the grand scheme of the earth in this Solar System, which is in this Universe which may also
be just another module of some network of solar systems. We are the inner workings of a single
component in a giant network. This my friends, is why I feel that the world here on Earth is so
melodramatic. People take themselves way too seriously. We are impermanent, and we'll be gone in 100 years and
in a 100 years everything we know will be gone, replaced by the next wave of humanity.
If the waves of the ocean don't wipe out that next wave, that is.

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January 4th, 2005

04:08 pm - It's been a while.
I haven't written in so long,I forgot my password. I have a new job a new car and I got Dp'd. Domestically partnered for those of you unaware. It's sort of like the colored people's waterfountain of marriage... I'm not sure what to call Diane now, "wife" doesn't seem fitting. I hate the word "partner" because it reminds me of an old western flick. I'll just call her my DP. I guess that works. We're looking for a house to buy or rent. Our space is too small and we want to live alone. Our roommate is cool, and we hated her cat, but that's not even a valid excuse anymore since her cat got eaten by a loose dog on New Year's Eve day. What a shitty day that turned out to be. Dead black cats on your doorstep on the last day of the year. I don't like it one bit, but I'm glad it happened last year and not in this one. My friend Rhea from Holland is visiting again. I'm glad we're friends. She drives me bonkers sometimes and it's really hard to be a hostess to someone for so long, but she does live on the other side of the world, so I'm more than happy to deal for the time being. Life is good. :D
Current Mood: contentcontent

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July 15th, 2004

11:32 am - lazy days, up all night
My friend from Holland is here, visiting me, and her trip is about half over. I thought she would be here for pride, but pride is the weekend after I thought it was, so she won't be joining me, but my new girlfriend will. A month ago I was devastated over a drama filled situation that I apparently was the cause of, after imbibing in too much alcohol and I managed to shake it off after Heidi dumped me, and thought I was feeling really shitty about the whole scenario at the time, I am now so happy that it happened and that she dumped me, because the very next weekend after that I met Diane. So everthing works out. Diane is a way better match for me than Heidi was. Heidi was great but there were things about her that weren't going to work for me, and some things about me that weren't going to work for her, which I think we were both aware of from the beginning but decided to see anyway.. Ah. well anyway... I've been on vacation this entire week, being lazy all my days and spending my nights up late with Diane. When I'm with her, I don't care what the rest of the world is up to.. I haven't been out except for once, (with her) since we met, She's so funny and interesting and I'm having the best time with her... on Monday she asked me to be her girlfriend. So cute! She's so cute! So.. here I am, pulled a full one-eighty and am back to feeling normal in my life. I turned down an offer for a great job in L.A because I wanted to give me and Diane a chance to work. I think it will..it feels like she's always been here, and we've spent every day together and have been having a blast. I'm going to try to reinfuse some new life to my job here and see if I can make it better.. meanwhile, I'm going to continue sending out my resume' hoping something fitting for me will pop up locally.. Well, off to eat some lunch with Rhea,and enjoy the Thursday afternoon Sun. Today is my best friend from highschool's birthday. Happy Birthday Michele!

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June 19th, 2004

01:37 pm - Drunken Baffoon
The other day I read a story about a guy who tried to play a variation of russian roulette, only intead of bullets he had six cans of moutain dew, and one of them was spiked with antifreeze. The poor bastard actually picked the spiked can. He lived to tell about it, but he almost won a Darwin Award.
Last night I got drunk, too drunk to have only eaten a single bowl of soup all day. There was some misunderstanding about my keys and me trying to drive. Sometimes I swear I act like I'm walking around in my own private tunnel. Completely oblivious with a one track mind. I wish I could learn to just shut up sometimes. Beligerent.. that's me. what an ass I am at times. I guess it happens to the best of us.. and it's been a while since the last time I got drunk and stupid.. not a long time since getting drunk.. but.. that's that. I think I blew it with Heidi though..sigh...
It actually occurred to me today to quit my job, cash out my 401k, kick back for the month of July and then move back to St. Louis to go to college, where I have family and a support system. My mom misses me. I need to come out to her. I have good friends there. I'm still missing something though... love.. where is it? Not in my life. Not right now anyway. I'm far from home, no family, alone, no lover, no pets, no reason to come home. Seriously wondering what I'm doing.. big time..

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June 16th, 2004

12:08 pm - freedom
freedom is not wanting
not wanting what you can't have
not wanting what you don't have
not wanting what others have
not wanting to have what nobody else has
this is freedom.
Current Mood: enlightened

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